Hello everyone, Its been a little quiet here on my Blog lately. I have been so busy looking for jobs and doing work trials that I almost forgot my Blog existed. For that I apologize, I used to have such a passion for writing but lately I just haven’t been feeling it. From experience I know its best just to wait for the what I call “writing urge” to come back, forcing it can end in disaster (for me at least). There is something rather free about blogging, there are no restriction and I can ramble on without worrying too much.
Although there was supposed to be a point to this entry. If any of you have seen Cinderella (If not, where have you been and what have you been doing with your life?!), you will know the iconic message we get from it. A dream is a wish your heart makes. Now I used to love this phrase but recently I have not been loving it so much. What if you don’t know what your heart wants. Do I even know what my dreams are anymore? Unfortunately the answer to that is no. I had so many dreams which turned out to not be dreams at all. For example I had always dreamed of working with animals, but after a degree in Zoology I realized that it wasn’t for me at all. I did a course with ex race horses and loved it but when I attempted to be an apprentice groom I felt as if something wasn’t right. It was wrong for me. I am discovering that my so-called dreams aren’t my dreams at all, they are diluted versions of things I thought I wanted. If they were real dreams, real ambitions they would be solid foundations I would want to build on.
Finding out that my dreams and ambitions weren’t actually what I wanted left me feeling like a failure and an idiot. I always thought I knew my heart but it turns out I have a lot more soul-searching to do before I really know it. I guess I was so desperate to have dreams and have that sense of achievement that I chased every dream that came along, even when it wasn’t right. Don’t get me wrong, my life so far has taught me more than I could have dreamed it would (unintended pun) and it hasn’t been a waste of time. It just took me a long time to realize that I have changed so much that I don’t know myself anymore. This is terrifying.
Thankfully I have an amazing God who loves me and will guide me whether I am being an idiot or not. He doesn’t care, he just wants the best for me and has amazing plans. I used to think of myself as a grown up, I was wrong. I am more like a Cygnet, Grey and fluffy and a little rough around the edges. I am not a hatchling but I am not yet a full-grown swan. I see swans and want to be beautiful and elegant and just like them, but I don’t want the inconvenience of going through life to get to that point. Unfortunately the only way to be a swan is to work hard, to make mistakes and to experience things I never thought I would. It might be painful, strange, unfamiliar and overwhelming at times but in the end it will be worth it. Swan analogies, you don’t see any of those around 😉 .
I think we all feel like this at some point and it is tempting to beat yourself up about it but next time you feel that way look around you. Everyone you know has felt or may still be feeling like a scruffy, ugly Cygnet, bumbling their way through life and trying to figure it all out. You are not a scruffy, ugly Cygnet, you are a child of God. You is kind, you is smart, you is important! You are also a human being and God loves you just the way you are, flaws and all. I am going to leave you with my favorite psalm, I promise not to make a sheep analogy.
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Love and blessings
P.S For a fun game count how many times I wrote “dreams”…