I have been having a pretty bad day, so I decided to try and turn it into something positive. The past week has been a crazy blur of teaching, a carnival party and watching Romeo and Juliet in the theater for the first time. To some of you that sounds like a dream but right now I am exhausted and really not rating myself as a teacher. Some days I feel like a great teacher and then some days I feel like the worst teacher in the world. My colleague (and boss) keeps telling me I am doing well but I can’t help but feel that she is just being nice.
I feel like I am doing horribly, I never feel quite in control of the class and despite my efforts to make it better I am terrible at discipline. Long story short I feel like a disaster in the classroom and in my social life. I have the unfortunate tendency to withdraw when I am feeling low, so then I feel lonely but technically that is my fault. I love Italy but I hate it too and I love teaching but sometimes I worry so much that I won’t be any good and I stress over everything! So then I am striving to enjoy it. I know teaching is for me but I think I might be setting my goals a little too high. It has only been a month and I have never really taught before now.
I am not sure this is the most positive post in the world, usually I am fine, wonderful in fact. But some days homesickness and self doubt hit me when I least expect it! I am going to try and end this post positively by listing everything good that has happened this week:
- I saw Romeo and Juliet which was amazing and I loved it. It was the first time the language hasn’t been a barrier!
- I have had dinner with some lovely families and made a new friend.
- The weather has been wonderful this week.
- The carnival party was so much fun, I love dressing up (I was a Dalmatian).
- I have pizza and cheese and chocolate 😀
- It will get easier (I hope so).
Thats about all I can manage right now, sorry to be negative, this blog is a way for me to process my feelings and hopefully some of you understand what I am feeling. The truth is that I live in a beautiful country and I have no reason to complain, so I must persevere.
Lots of love
A rather grumpy Sarah!
If you have been following my blog I would like to thank you. I do not write particularly well and the content is not very interesting but you still seem to be here and enjoying my blog posts so I am grateful!
I am no longer miserable here but I am no longer on a super high (It was fun while it lasted 😉 ). I am trying to find a happy medium where I am not plagued by homesickness whenever I think of home but filled with happiness because I now have two countries I can call my home. I have a feeling it will take a while for this to happen so I will try to be content with where I am now. I have been invited to two different dinners, both families served pizza (I LOVE pizza) and both evenings were delightful. Italy may have some faults but I can never find fault with the people here, at least in the south.
I have also become a bit of a shopaholic in the past month which is mostly due to the fact that I have a lot of free time. I also love buying new things, clothes are my latest obsession! I went to Reggio Calabria recently, where the weather and the town are equally beautiful. I was treated to “the best ice cream you will ever taste” as my friends put it. They were not wrong there, I was in heaven. Ice cream makes me excessively happy, I love it. You might have noticed by now that I like food, a lot! I also picked up some lovely clothes and my new favorite jumper (I will include a picture of it).
I can’t tell if this move has made me more materialistic or more grateful for the things I have. I hope its the latter as I would like to grow as a person, not go backwards! Teaching is wonderful as I have now introduced a Star Chart system for my rather loud class of 7-9 year olds. It works a treat, much to my relief. I am still learning every day that being a teacher is the least glamorous job I could ever have. For example last weekend I spent 2-3 hours cutting out tiny triangles to glue onto pictures of Arlecchino for the Carnival party this weekend. My life is truly thrilling.
The funny thing is I wouldn’t change it for the world, I really love teaching and it is such a relief to find a job I actually like. I thank God that I am lucky enough to have realized this fairly early in my life. Its not enough for me to do the bare minimum for this job, I have to put in 110% because teaching these children in an effective and fun way has become my main priority.
All in all I am content here and I am getting closer to building a life for myself. I have been truly blessed and I know there are more blessings to come.