I have been having a pretty bad day, so I decided to try and turn it into something positive. The past week has been a crazy blur of teaching, a carnival party and watching Romeo and Juliet in the theater for the first time. To some of you that sounds like a dream but right now I am exhausted and really not rating myself as a teacher. Some days I feel like a great teacher and then some days I feel like the worst teacher in the world. My colleague (and boss) keeps telling me I am doing well but I can’t help but feel that she is just being nice.
I feel like I am doing horribly, I never feel quite in control of the class and despite my efforts to make it better I am terrible at discipline. Long story short I feel like a disaster in the classroom and in my social life. I have the unfortunate tendency to withdraw when I am feeling low, so then I feel lonely but technically that is my fault. I love Italy but I hate it too and I love teaching but sometimes I worry so much that I won’t be any good and I stress over everything! So then I am striving to enjoy it. I know teaching is for me but I think I might be setting my goals a little too high. It has only been a month and I have never really taught before now.
I am not sure this is the most positive post in the world, usually I am fine, wonderful in fact. But some days homesickness and self doubt hit me when I least expect it! I am going to try and end this post positively by listing everything good that has happened this week:
- I saw Romeo and Juliet which was amazing and I loved it. It was the first time the language hasn’t been a barrier!
- I have had dinner with some lovely families and made a new friend.
- The weather has been wonderful this week.
- The carnival party was so much fun, I love dressing up (I was a Dalmatian).
- I have pizza and cheese and chocolate 😀
- It will get easier (I hope so).
Thats about all I can manage right now, sorry to be negative, this blog is a way for me to process my feelings and hopefully some of you understand what I am feeling. The truth is that I live in a beautiful country and I have no reason to complain, so I must persevere.
Lots of love
A rather grumpy Sarah!