Its been far too long since I last wrote! I would love to say its because I’ve been so busy…but that would be a lie. Unless busy means obsessively playing Dragon Age. Over the past 2 months I have been trying to find a job, although by that I mean only applying for the ones I want, which in my case was just one! It was a library job if you were curious, and I didn’t even get shortlisted, but maybe it wasn’t meant to be. So I decided it was time for some help, and I signed on to job seekers. I am not going to pretend to be proud of myself. I am now a typical graduate, I live with my parents, I rely on the government to give me money and hopefully to help me get a job. I know, aren’t you jealous of how successful I am ;).
I am learning to swallow my pride, its a process. One that I am not going through gracefully. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so useless and confused about my life. What do I want to do? I don’t know, actually I do, I want to go back to Africa where, despite the difficulties, I had a purpose. My purpose now is to find my purpose. With Gods help I will get through this season in life without going crazy. I have discovered that to “be still and know I am God” is very difficult. When being prayed for last Sunday a friend said she saw me on Rollerblades, raring to go but I had no padding on, no protection. God wants me to wait so he can get all my protective gear on, elbow pads and the like. He is preparing me for something big, but I can’t see it. So many people are going through this feeling. All I want to do is go, but maybe I need to learn to enjoy just sitting in the presence of God.
When I move out of this place I will probably long to sit still and be back at the waiting season. I will endeavor to enjoy this place, because it is truly pathetic to complain about it. When I compare my situation to others less fortunate, I find I can see I have been so blessed. I have a loving family, a warm bed, a full stomach and endless possibilities, if only I choose to see them. Its all about perception, its a shame I forget about it until its too late. So I will continue to pray and grow, because God’s got my future in his hands, I just need to believe he does.
Lots of love and God bless you!