Tag Archives: Struggles

Approaching the end, or is it the beginning?

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Approaching the end, or is it the beginning?

We are in week six now! Where has all the time gone? It is the sort of time where I am constantly trying to enjoy every moment and desperately holding onto the little time we have left. I can’t say I always enjoy every moment. Take today for example. A migraine came out of nowhere and was my first obstacle in enjoying every moment. Its pretty hard to enjoy the feeling of repeatedly being stabbed in the head with limited vision…I suppose we must be realistic in how we enjoy our experiences. Just because you go somewhere totally different does not mean you will instantly be positive all the time, you don’t just become a different person. It is a process, and there are plenty of challenges along the way.

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David, Helena and Roger teaching basic English conversation.

But I think this experience has been better because of the challenges. It feels like I have had a year of personal growth in the last 6 weeks. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22, and I have seen and done things I never thought I would do. No matter where you are in life, challenges will always be there. I have found that the way you react to those challenges reveals a lot about your character. I tend to hesitate and doubt myself. Sometimes I am terrified to even take a step. But then I pull myself together, give myself a little pep talk and take that step anyway. I might be trembling as I do it but the most important thing is that I challenge myself. I might also complain a lot, but we all need to change.

The truth is life is too short to waste our opportunities, even though I find myself doing this frequently! Its like we can see the sand running low but we just go about our everyday business anyway. Even if its not what we want to do, I find that we tend to get a bit too comfortable if we have a bog standard job that we don’t actually like. Its easier to stay in that place because moving would mean change, pain and difficulties! Most of all it means..God forbid…taking a risk! I’m glad I took this risk. Its been no picnic but I have so many memories I will treasure forever. Perhaps we need to find the gold among the dirt. I suppose that’s what makes the gold so valuable.

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We got to meet Davids sister (one of his many siblings) which was lovely 🙂

Last week we ran a lot of holiday camps, it was truly wonderful, if a bit challenging. I do not like public speaking in any way but I felt that I needed to face my fear. We all taught different lessons, like sexual health, HIV/AIDS and sanitation and hygiene. I led a session on setting personal and future goals. It was weirdly not as bad as I thought it would be. I did have a bit of a cry/panic afterwards but it was only small. The next time I did it I found it easier. I suppose practice really does help. I am not going to say that I am amazing at public speaking now, but I have something to build on which is a miracle for me. I thank God for giving me the strength, without him I would not have been able to do it.

Today we went to Peters school to teach English. Despite the migraine I thoroughly enjoyed it. There was a fantastic moment where it started to rain heavily and we were unable to teach anymore. So the students got a drum and started to dance. It was amazing, I felt so much joy in that moment. Weirdly it was one of my biggest highlights! I suppose its good appreciate everything, even if it seems small to other people. It reminded me of this quote: “Until God opens the next door praise him in the hallway”. Its easy to get caught up in your issues, but to praise God regardless of your situation, that is conquering life. That is truly embracing life’s ups and downs, I am not there yet but I will get there.

The most wonderful moment!

The most wonderful moment!

Murakose ( thank you) for reading!

Much Love and Gods blessings

Sarah

xxx

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Life in Kigali: Week four!

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Life in Kigali: Week four!

Firstly I wanted to apologize for not updating my blog for so long! It has been quite busy here so I have found it hard to update my personal blog. I have however been updating the team blog ( http://aeekigaliautumn2014.wordpress.com/) so go and check that out if you want a little more detail on the work we are doing in Kigali.

So I am going to be brutally honest. A lot of people will try to sugarcoat volunteering, telling you only the good things that have been happening and conveniently missing out the issues and struggles. I am so guilty of this! The problem is there are issues and you will get frustrated. We are in a new country, a new environment and we have to deal with lots of different problems. Such as culture shock, the heat, the food, being ill and sometimes a feeling of uselessness. For the first week I felt so useless, lazy, unable to do the work and weak. We were doing a lot of field work such as irrigation (a fancy way of saying watering), planting banana trees, visiting beneficiaries of AEE (African Evangelistic Enterprise) and being asked advice when quite frankly I just didn’t know what to say (or that I was qualified to say anything).

Planting banana trees in Gicaca, it was wonderful but hard work!

Planting banana trees in Gicaca, it was wonderful but hard work!

It was really hard to get used to, these were things I had never done and I just felt like such a failure. To top it all off getting work for us to do was very difficult, we couldn’t teach English to the children until November as they had exams, the staff never seemed to have office work for us to do (through no fault of their own) and it was all very slow. That meant I had that much more time to over think everything, I wondered what I was doing here, why did I think I could help anyone, I should just go home.

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All the wonderful people who work at Gicaca banana plantation

Luckily I had a supportive team to help me through it all. In fact we were probably feeling similar so it was almost easier, to know that I wasn’t suffering alone. That sounds awful but there really is nothing worse than feeling like no-one can understand what you are going through. These feelings would be like a fleeting wind, there one minute and gone the next. It was certainly an emotional roller coaster. However as I became busier and more used to the work we were doing I started to feel much better about the experience. I felt like we were really helping, even if it was in a small way. The understanding that we were building on the previous teams work was helpful.

I think that the impact we make cannot always be seen. We may never see that banana tree we planted fully grown, we may not even be able to taste its bananas. But that doesn’t matter, we put into motion something tangible and real. Just because you do not see the effect doesn’t mean its not there. The advice we gave to those beneficiaries could have been invaluable to them. They might put our words into actions and this could benefit their lives abundantly. The point is that we must believe our actions and words are important, they have an effect on the people around us and they shape our world, which in turn will shape the wider world. This is why we need to think carefully about what we say and do, and be thankful for every opportunity we get to change the worlds around us. Not everyone is lucky enough to do this and not everyone has a say in their own world.

So do not worry if you feel discouraged, I believe it is just a part of the process. We might not change the world immediately but we can all put into motion something that will. All you need is a drop to create a ripple.

I feel like this bible verse is appropriate: 1 Corinthians 15:58- Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Murakose (Thank-you) for reading and God bless you

Sarah

xxx

Just one of the many beautiful places in Kigali!

Just one of the many beautiful places in Kigali!